Practicing Connection

By Dr. Laura Heaphy

Published July 28, 2023

Practicing Connection

By Laura Heaphy, Psy.D.

What makes us happy? Experiences of peace and joy are something that we all seek. However, no matter who you are, there are moments in life that are hard and leave us feeling unfulfilled, tired, or even bored. For me, life isn’t about avoiding those negative experiences, but figuring out how to lean into what brings me joy and gives life meaning.

When I close my eyes and try to think of moments of the greatest joy, pretty much all of them center around people and nature. After some reflection, I was able to identify that connection is the commonality of these two seemingly dissimilar things. Spending time with people I love and who understand me facilitates deeper relationships, warmth, a sense of belonging, and sometimes simply distraction from stress. Spending time in nature helps me to connect with the beauty of the earth and feel more at peace and mindful.

In Sonja Lyubomirsky’s The How of Happiness, she details the value of investing in relationships as a means of building happiness. She also highlights that research shows that the causal relationship between social relationships and happiness is bidirectional. This means that having deep connections with friends and loved ones makes people happier, but it also means that happy people are more likely to make friends.

Numerous research studies have shown that spending time in nature improves our mood and attention and even builds our capacity for empathy. These benefits have been shown in urban nature; even if you are surrounded by lots of people and buildings, spending time outside can be rewarding. The positive effects also show up in folks who watch a video of nature. This is a good reminder for me. I prefer experiencing nature in solitude and quiet, but that can take some time and effort. Walking outside and taking a minute to stare at and appreciate the mountains takes very little work and time and can be done regularly. Pulling up a YouTube video of a beautiful place takes even less effort.

As a result of all of this reflection, I really like the idea of working to build a practice of connection. How can I be more aware of the moments when I am truly experiencing joy and how can I bring about more of those in my daily life?

Some potential ways of practicing connection (both socially and with nature):

• Making a meal to share with others
• Sending a card to a loved one, just because
• Buying and caring for a house plant
• Swimming in a lake
• Expressing gratitude to others
• Taking photos of beauty in nature
• Tending a garden
• Taking a walk with a friend while enjoying the animals that you see and hear
• Putting your phone away and enjoying a conversation with a neighbor
• Eating lunch outside
• Asking a child about their favorite part of their day

The possibilities here are nearly endless. Take some time to share your ideas with someone else and put them into practice. Then make note of the benefits of making connection a priority.

 

 

           

 

References:  

Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). The how of happiness: A new approach to getting the life you want. Penguin Books.

American Psychological Association. (2020, April 1). Nurtured by nature. Monitor on
                Psychology, 51(3). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/nurtured-nature

Artwork created by Ammon Cheney using DALL-E